blue dude

(no subject)

Sunday, October 29, 2006 (But It's Saturday, see?)

Time: 12:25 AM

Current Mood: Tired But Happy

Current Music: Me Typing

In My Room

So today was totally going to be one of thsoe uneventful recuperation-type days, but Eric called and asked if I could come over, which I did. Singing, joking, FaceBooking, playing piano, going out to dinner with my family, and then eprforming for our sets of parents was quite entertaining. It was just so spontaneous, which totally enhanced the beauty of the whole thing, if that makes sense. Oh, and we totally chewed up songs on the Choir CD. Like, we dissected them. Oooh! Twas good.

I have, like, twenty thigns to do tomorrow. Homework, stuff for NABS, i have abou ten trillion phone calls to return ... the lists go on and on and on. And i have a huge History test to study for. And I'm not in the mood to do homework, seriously. Ugh. And I'm working on this song, this thing in E Major, you know. And it's sooo much fun, but I seriously need a tape recorder, because I...can't play and read and write music all at the same time. Someone give me, like, two more sets of hands. That'd really be useful right about now. Heh. And yes, I can write my own braille music, okay? No scarily confusing codes for me. Yeah, I see all you Braille music readers smirking and smiling at me, but I can't do it, it goes waay over my little head. So I'll just stick with writing clusters of letters, and being really unprofessional and unclear, and writing in a way that only I can understand, and all that. And I will get this song finished, dang it. Except now I think the lyrics are stupid. Why can't I ever stay with anything long enough to finish it?

I also started a new novel, but I'm already stuck, and I'vej ust written, like, two paragraphs. Argh argh argh! Everything artistic that I'm attempting to do isn't working. Well, except for my secret diary That's going okay. Outlets are good, yes they are. They make me happy, and they make me feel open with myself. And it helps me psychoanalyze myself, you know? But yeah. Um. My new novel is weird. It started out with me going "Dude, I want to make a movie with all my friends in it, and have me as like the director, authro, screen writer, whatever." So I wrote up a cast list, and while I was doing htat and making fake names and all, I decided I might as well select a sound track, so I did that. And then, I thought since I had a cast of characters and a sound track, I might as well sketch out a plot. So I made a Table of Contents with these random little annotations about each chapter, character development notes, etc. And then I start writing the thing, and i'm totally stuck. But I NEED to write this. It's a totally cute, teenaged, angsty little story that's all laid out in my head as clear as can be. The only thing I hate about it is that it's all about blindies and sighties and how they interact. I hate reading stories like that, but then I realized that the reason I hate it is probably becaue the authors always get them all wrong (face-touching, "I'm sooo depressed because I can't see my face / my lover's face," etc etc. So I was like, "I can do this! Who better to write a TeenBlind story than a teen blind?" So I was just like, "I can do this." Yeah. And now I sort of ... can't? But I want to! Gaaaaahhhhh! I'm seriously so brimming with ideas of late, and I can't make them come to fruition, because I have so much homework to do, and I get carried away with the computer and the phone and reading books (have I mentioned that, if BookShare were a person, i would marry it? Hmmm, BookShare. Oh yes!!!). Um. Okay. So i know I have major problems right now. This is what happens when my Mom is yelling for me to go to bed, and I ignore her, because I don't want to go to bed, even though I'm really tired. The reality of having to get up and actually get things done tomorrow is depressing me. I am promising myself that I will not allow myself to work on any of my artistic endeavors until I at least do all my homework, catch up in my pileups of random assignments that are due later in the week, return the Phone Calls, and make some decent headway on The Student Advocate for NABS, which I really, really want to kick butt, since I'm the baby on the Board, and the new Editor, and all. And yeah, I jsut really need to get thnigs going for NABS. I'm really gung ho (SP?) about it when I'm at the meetings, and then I just get so crazed with school, homework, friends and life in general that I totally just space out and then, boom! A month's gone by, and I'm at the board meeting, remembering all the stuff I wanted to do, and going, "Oops?"

Why am I still writing in here? I'm going to bed. And oh yeah, I did this on the computer. Because I'm too lazy to go pick up my BrailleNote from the bed, transfer the LJ, etc. So excuse the crappy typing.

Pippity pip pip!
blue dude

(no subject)

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Time: 11:55 PM

Current Mood: Pensively Exhausted?

Current Music: Adiemus

In My Room

This music is, like, the epitome of Meditation and relaxation. I just want to go to sleep with it blasting into more head. It makes me feel so good! This weekend, I must set aside some time to just crash and listen to it and unwind.

Will week has been a haze of school, Choir, writing random anecdotes, reading Huck Finn, and tonight's Dinner Show performance. Apart from "Job, Job" going fearfully sharp and off-rhythm, I'd say things went very well. All my costume changes worked out well, thanks to my BFFL Rachel, who was basically my slave. Apart from that, amusing incidents included Rachel, Whitney, Leslie, Christine and I wrestling in very ... um ... interesting ways, which totally confused and probably traumatized the chaperones. And also Eric being the only one to remember to take me offstage after the finale, and him not knowing it was me because he was behind me, and going, "Oh, it's you ... I wondered why the girl in front of me wasn't moving." Which I found amusing.

Our CD's from last year's Chorus also came in, which meeeeans ... my first professionally recorded solo. Which I haven't listened to, because I have a Chem quiz, an English quiz, and a huge, huge, beyond huge History Test tomorrow. And I'm like dying of fatigue, and my feet hurt, and my hair hurts from being in a stupid bun, and I like self-pitying, yes I do. Not to mention that I'm, like, behind on homework, because I'm a slacker of late.

Oh, and Lannie ate another fly. Lovely. And no one at outside-of-school chorus (okay, half the choir, at least) can read rests. Like, it's not that hard, right? Sorry. I'm in a tired food. Off I go to dream a dream, a silent dream ... okay, choir joke. Um. Yeah. I'm leaving, before I, like, totally incriminate myself. Hmm, like I haven't already.

Cake and bread are a good midnight snack, I'm thinking.

Tootles!
blue dude

(no subject)

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Happy sixteenth birthday to

My BFFL Rachel!

lilrachyface

We initially met in Bio. Rachel was a shy girl, whom I felt drawn to because of her inherent sweetness, intelligence and soft but at the same time raucous sense of humor. We began talking on the phone about labs, with both of us growing more and more comfortable with the other. Conversations expanded to include Women's Ensemble, of which we were both members, and then to other topics still. We laughed a lot, and had many good times.

Local girl friends have sadly never stayed close to me for long. I feared that, at the start of sophomore year, Rachel might, like so many others, drift, at first imperceptibly, and then obviously and more completely, into the background, or away altogether. To my immense happiness, we had Chem together, and were in Treble Clef as well. Our friendship was cemented further as I struggled through Chem, Rachel's sister married, I rode my first emotional roller coasters, and we both felt the beginnings of love, but were unable to give it a name or shape. We told one another everything. We sang, laughed, conspired, gossipped, worked, played, fantisized, dreamed, hoped, screamed, joked. We did everything possible together, from selling ButterBraids for Rachel's soccer team, to going to concerts, to sharing Rachel's iPod earbuds, to choking on marshmallows, to picking apart sandwiches, to making ten AIM screen names in one night, to skyping with rando%m blindies for hours on end.

There has never been anything I hesitate to tell Rachel. She is my confidant, my ever-present companion. I know I can tell her anything about me, and she will still be there. Her loyalty has never wavered, her confidence in me has never dwindled or faltered. Even if I might say something that she cannot identify with or condone, she assumes a "You know what's best for you" attitude, always marked with optimism and support. Rachel never says "You can't" or "You shouldn't," unless she really means it. Once, she even said I could learn to ride Heelees, if I wanted to!

I could go on and on about what Rachel has done for me, how much I have grown because of her, how much she has taught me, how much fun we've had, how many stories we've written and laeabs we've completed or tests she's told me it's okay that I totally failed. She is everything I could ever ask for in a best friend: hilarious but serious, fiercely intelligent but not at all magisterial, loyal but never possessive, kind but never to the point of being untruthful, diligent but not hypercritical, helpful but never controlling ... I could ramble and rave. But I won't. I think I've made my point. I think anyone could understand that when I hear that thin, high voice, loud and buoyant despite its childlike lilt, crying my name in the halls or across the quads, I can't help but smile, and know that a dear friend is near, and will be for many years to come. RaChel's transfer from Physical Science into Bio was seriously something fateful; we could have drifted through Chorus and never been more than acquaintances. But over sowbugs and p-Glo, a friendship sprouted and blossomed, just like our Fast Plants did not, later that year (Bio Joke).

I love you, Rachel! You will always be my GBFFL!

Time: 10:39 PM

I'm too tired to do the proper format.

This morning I got up with this awful cramp in my lower right stomach. It sucked beyond belief, and I kept having to stop in the process of showering to lean my hands on my knees and wince and bite my lip and be all awkward turtlish. So then I went to the hospital, because apparently the spot I said hurt was right where I had a hernia operation when I was like three. But the doctors couldn't find anything wrong; they said it was probably the hernia but that I had popped it back in. By then, it had stopped hurting, so I just went back to school, and had a day that was pleasantly marked by gushing over Rachel's birthday, trying to conduct, slamming books, dinner show prep, and reading two books Eric recommended. Well, reading one and a half, more like. Anyway. Oh, and having Mobility, in which Lannie was very distracted. He is so not an evening dog, he really is not. Or should I say, late afternoon. Oh, and then we got our piano tuned. It sounds sooo much better. Some notes are still tinny and bright; Jim is coming back in two weeks to retune those. Still, I sat at the piano for about a half hour, working out some chords in the key of E, for a change. I think Í feel a song coming on, which is unheard of for me. I'm starting at the piano with the chords and hopefully a melody, as opposed to writing lyrics and trying to force a playable melody out of them. With my limited chord abilities, it will definitely be a juvenile attempt, but I don't care. I feel like I need an outlet right now.

I'm really tired. So bye byes!
blue dude

(no subject)

Monday, October 23, 2006

Happy Birthday Dear

Lauren!

chickwith_stick

Now, Lauren is a very special pal of mine, and how we met is actually quite fascinating.

Lauren reportedly was browsing some Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants communities, saw my name, and clicked on it out of sheer boredom, thinking, "If this chick's blind, I'll add her." Being blind herself, Lauren obviously had no way of knowing that the caitlin45 chick whose name she'd just seen was blind. But when she discovered I was not only blind but close to her age, she was shocked into adding me.

Our friendship was fast and furious. We taunted one another, gushed, complained, empathized, gossipped, and generally acted like two melodramatic girls. Lauren brings out the melodrama and girlishness in me; I suppose I must bring out something in her, but I don't know what. Lauren can always, ALWAYS make me happy. I am always laughing when I talk to her. She just has that charismatic, bubbly personality that makes you want to give her a huge hug. Not only can she make me happy, but she can also listen. I've told Lauren things that I haven't told many people, and she always listens with an open mind. LAUREN is one of the most accepting, kind and loving people you could ever hope to meet. She never judges or makes justifications about people. She never stereotypes people, or divides people into cliques. Everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Everyone is getting to know. Even if I freak out about certain people and call them stalkers, Lauren bravely puts her best foot forward and gets to know them. I could go on and on about Lauren, from how she got me into BSC and random Sisterhood fanfics, to the time we talked about my poetry and her stories for, like, hours, to the time I read her a chapter of BSC while Rachel laughed along and wrote in her LJ, to the time Lauren was screaming about the Zodcast on Derek's and my radio show. I've had so much fun with Lauren, and I know more good times are to come. Oh, and let's not forget the great literature Lauren has introduced me to! (wink wink) Ahem!

And Lauren's present isn't done, and she's not online to receive it, I don't think. And this makes me cry. But Lauren, I have, like, half of it! AND you will love it! And it will be done someday! I swear!

I love you, Lauren! Keep smiling, giggling, dreaming, taking the world by storm. You are one of the bravest, strongest people I know, and never forget that. I love how, even when stuff is hard for you, and the rest of us would just give up and cry, that's never even an option for you. You just keep plugging away at everything you do. That's admirable, it really is! Rock on, Lauren! You're my idol.

Time: 10:43 PM

Current Mood: Tiiired

Current Music: Typing, Computer, My Brain Shutting Down?

In My Room

I'm getting those tired chills again. Argh!

So the Guide Dog segment was on TV today. I didn't see it, thank goodness, but Mrs. H (Resource) did, and said it was great. I bet I sounded like an idiot. Argh! Oh well.

In other news. We started Huck Finn in English, Eric is going to grow up to be an actor (Rachel and I have decided), goldfish crackers and Oreos do not mix, Lancaster doesn't seem to mind getting tangled around a tree while relieving, I have no sense of balance when it comes to lifting bowls full of water, I am way too obsessed with FaceBook, and Mexican food ;were comfort food, and just really, really good grub.

And tomorrow is Relyn's, Rachel C and Kellie D's birthday: all are juniors, in my grade and girls, and Relyn and Rachel have the same first and last initials. Now is that messed up or what? Like, dude! What the flipperoni?

Well, a certain bowl of gelato calls my name, so this is about where I came in. Infinite smiles and waves to all!

Oh, and sorry I didn't write yesterday ... did I already say that?

Night night!
blue dude

(no subject)

Sunday, October 22, 2006 (For Saturday)

Time: 12:05 AM

Current Mood: Happy

Current Music: Life, Aselin Debison (Again, I Know)

In My Room

So today was great! Apart from lying around the house on FaceBook, the phone and various other online things, I listened to music, debated inwardly about what songs to consider for the Dessert Shows (which aren't for, like, five months), and engaged in other pointless activities when I probably should have been starting on my homework.

Then Eric and I went to go see Thoroughly Modern Millie. It was an incredibly cute and satisfying show. The actors and actresses were absolutely phenomenal. Talk about triple-threats: singing, acting and dancing. Not that I know much about dancing, but I basically had a DVS (Descriptive Video Service) next to me. Although not to the point of getting annoying, like my mom can be at the movies, obviously. Just the perfect amount of detail; enough to inform me of the important things, but not too much so that I had to start shushing and scowling. The music was very cute, and there were both cymbals and tap shoes, which I am obsessed with. I have really weird fixations with things like that. And there was just enough cute romance, too. Although I don't like how, when there's kissing in movies or plays, people smack so loudly. It's unrealistic, and frankly quite disturbing. Although, as Eric pointed out fairly, "They're trying to make sure that blind people understand what's going on, in case they don't have someone to describe for them." Eric would covertly hiss, "Kiss!" before each kiss, but it was rendered unnecessary as we heard a smack loud enough to wake the dead.

Anyway, afterward, we went for ice cream, and gossipped about Choir, which we'd also done driving up. We also sang Bridge Over Troubled Water, softly but with copious energy. And we did cheesy hand movements, and had a wonderful time. There's nothing like hanging out with someone you can just talk to and talk to for hours on end without ever coming close to running out of things to say. Thus, I was very contented upon reaching home. I had had a splendid time, and it had definitely turned my Saturday from mundain to prosperous and enjoyable.

Tomorrow, I crack down on the homework, with a vengeance. Plus work on The Student Advocate and Lauren's birthday present, which I WILL have done by Monday, darn it! I will not be distracted by the phone, FaceBook, e-mail, or anything remotely resembling the aforementioned. I will NOT! I will be productive.

But before I do all those things, I need sleep. Despite the milk shake I ingested, I am quite exhausted. But in a Very happy way.

Peace out!
blue dude

(no subject)

Friday, October 20, 2006

Time: 11:52 PM

Current Mood: Happy

Current Music: Life, Aselin Debison

In My Room

This song is like, %my song. Heh. Again, I say that about every song.

So today was fun. It consisted of my taking tests with partners, and my taking a Chem test all by myself. Actually, the Chem one was a quiz, and I actually felt like I did okay.

The piano tuner came after school. Our piano has huge moisture issues, and the hammers need to be filed (who knew? like nails!), because they're making what I call "abrassive bad noises" and the piano guy called "twangy sounds." It will cost a pack of money, but at least I'll actually have a piano I can stand to play for longer than ten minutes.

The tuner had some nifty little laptop that told him how off pitch our piano was (he said it 57 percent off pitch; well, it sucks, t'%s all I know). Then he figured out I was blind, and asked if I played. My mom went on about how "I used to play" but I like playing by ear, won't touch braille music, have perfect pitch, etc. Then he said he has some guy in mind who teaches people to play by ear, and he'll teach you Pop or whatever you want. And he (the tuner) has an in-home studio where you can record piano and vocals. I was totally excited to hear this, and the guy smiled benignly at me (I think) and said I was more than welcome. I, of course, talked about Eric, and he said Eric's welcome to come play for me, etc. Ooooh, so I was all psyched. I called Eric about it later, and I'll have to tell Derek about it, too, because he likes keyboards, recording, etc. I'll have to see exactly what-when-how, etc. But I'll work it out.

In other news, I finished The End, the last Lemony book, and found it immensely satisfactory. It was even kind of romantic, not as in kissy-kissy but as in, like, dramatic and cheesy, just what I like. And it was sad, too, and it made me all nodding and emotional inwardly. Hmm.

AND now I'm listening to Chris' show and talking to Farhan.

I may go to see Thoroughly Modern Millie with Whitney and Eric tomorrow; I may also go to a carnival my mom's elementary school is having (she promised me there'd be plenty of junk food, so I consented to come).

Well, I'd best go call into Chris' show like I promised. So tootle pip!
blue dude

(no subject)

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Time: 9:49 PM

Current Mood: Pensive

Current Music: The Evil TV

Downstairs

Sorry I didn't write yesterday. I felt kind of sick, for some reason, which I almost never do. I thought I was coming down with a fever or something, but apparently I was just tired. I slept like a frigging rock, so ... yeah. Interesting.

Yesterday was fairly uneventful. I'm obsessed with FaceBook, my forehead has a huge cut on it, and we sang cheesy versions of A Thousand Miles, You Raise Me Up and Amazing Grace in Outside-of-School Choir. We also sang I'm Goin' Up 'A'Yonder in C Major, which has got to be the prettiest song ever. I know I say that about everything, but its simplicity makes it beautiful and cute in a way that not all songs can be. And I love how the sopranos accused us altos of going sharp, when it was just the clash and resolve. Heh heh. (smirks) Bad sopranos. Oops, I AM one. At school. JK! Heh.

Today. More choir at school, which makes me happy. We sit in the H Hall now, because our benches were monopolized by maniacal freshmen who have never seen dogs before, apparently. Um. What else? Oh, I relieved Lannie and got him back to History without harness in the space of about three minutes, which I was very pumped up about. I thought I would be tardy for sure, but I ran into the classroom just as the bell went. I am slick! Ooh yeah! Um ... yeah. And Lannie FINALLY pooed on the dirt. I love him, I love him!

Ooh, and the piano tuner is coming tomorrow. We got the piano in '96 and never got it tuned, which is probably why I have always harbored some antipathy toward it. Plus, it has a disgusting tone and ... bleh. I long to have a Grand piano. I think if I did I might actually consent to take lessons again, even though I can't stand Braille music. I just cannot endure its complexities! It's too involving. I just want to learn some nifty chord progressions so I can write songs that aren't all in C, F, D or G major. Heh.

I wrote a poem, and Eric is putting it to song, but I have given him exclusive rights to it, because it's meant to be a guy singing it. He already wrote the Chorus, and he sang it to me on the phone to see how I liked it. Only one sf has ever brought me to tears in my life, and this song would have, if it had been complete. My eyes were literally watering. IT was just so beautiful. Unless you have had your words put to music in a way of which you highly approved, you can't imagine the relief and joy I felt to hear the tone and passion I put into the poem being recreated into a song. (Sorry, that sentence was grammatically wrong somewhere, I know.) But seriously, it was a very emotional moment for me. I cannot wait to hear the song actually be done! Oh my gooosh! And it's in C Sharp major. I have a thing for C Sharp Major, ever since For Good. Aaahhh! Yes!

Aaahhh, my gosh! Someone just said the name Eric on TV in this scary whisper, and it freaked me out for some reason. I think it's time for me to take the dog ghou and go to bed. I'm sooo tired. I need the weekend, oh yes I do!

Peace out!
blue dude

(no subject)

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

(I almost put 2096, heh.)

Time: 10:10 PM (Cool!)

Current Mood: Mixed

Current Music: Me Typing

In My Room

I am SOOOO tired as of late. It's my own fault; I know I get to bed too late.

Here's what happened today:

I got a line in the Dinner Show.

I learned that asymptope is not a real word: it's asymptote. I swear, all last year, I either read it wrong, or it was written wrong on all my MATH worksheets.

I had Mobility.

I was reminded that I have to take the PSAT's tomorrow, which entails missing morning classes, which makes me very perturbified.

I ate bread, ribs, chicken, French fries and more bread, and I am going to eat ice cream.

I am obsessed with FaceBook.

I like sending people my photos and hearing them praise them lavishly. It makes me happy.

I don't like it when my friends are sad.

I like it when my friends are insanely happy bordering on being high on life itself.

I don't like it when Lannie won't do his business in his nice, new, personal dirt, but instead, insists upon waiting until I lead him out of the dirt and across the grass to get back inside, and then prancing right to the edge of the grass and dumping his load. I had to laugh, but not for long, because it's I, and I alone, who will have to train him. It's like having a child, and trying to potty-train it. Only not quite. But still!

I'm tiiiired! (whines)

Night night!
blue dude

(no subject)

Monday, October 16, 2006

Time: 10:00 PM

Current Mood: Weird

Current Music: Me Typing

In My Room

I'm in a weird funk for no particular reason. Someone needs to make an antidote for procrastination. It's ridiculous that I hardly have any homework, and yet, I'M scrambling to do it, because I get all wrapped up in FaceBook, reading, writing, thinking, listening to the same song over and over and over and over again and making up obscure harmonies. Reading and rereading the same amusing or interesting pieces of e-mails and IM-S. And doing other psychotic things.

We got this new dog run made for Lannie. In our yard, obviously. He doesn't seem to be taking to it well, which is normal, but is also putting me in a freaking-out mood, because I have to make him like it. I just have to! Heh. But um ... I'm just really tired for no particular reason. And argh. I'm weird right now. Um. I like Lemony Snicket's books; they make me laugh. And I like BOOKShare.

I have a single pic of Eric and I at Homecoming. So if you are interested, comment with your e-mail address. Although, on second thought, seeing as how I have about ten thousand comments to actually read and reply to, you might do better to e-mail me.

caitlin@deraitland.com

Yes, sue me! I put my e-mail address! I already get twenty spams a day. Just add ten more, I really don't care right now. Grrr!

Um. What else? Oh, I know! I can control Lannie with the snap of my fingers; he was rustling around in History while Mr. S was talking, and I snapped my fingers softly down at him and gave him a warning look, and 1he desisted. I am the BOMB! I communicate through psychic powers! Ooooh!!!

Um. I got my teeth cleaned. And I got a spiffy Halloween toothbrush. And sugar free gum! Ooh-ah!

Um. Hmmm. Oh! I ran around like a weirdo at Brunch. Only a few people know why. It has to do with procrastination. (smirks)

Um. I'm done, because I'm just getting more and more tired and cranky sitting here, and I need to go to bed. And I'm not supposed to be cranky. X'%s Un-Caitlin-like. So I must make it stop, by shutting myself off. Pressing the power button into the off position. Yes! Argh!

Byyye!
blue dude

(no subject)

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Time: 9:55 PM

Current Mood: Still On A Homecoming High!

Current Music: Typing

In My Room

Today involved:

-- Homework

-- Talking to Eric

-- Talking to Rachel

-- More Homework

-- Dreaming about Homecoming's blissful;%s

-- More Homework

-- Music

-- Lancaster

-- Goldfish Crackers

-- E-Mail and FaceBook-induced procrastination

-- Talking to Rachel

-- Talking to Chris

-- Talking to people about Homecoming

-- Randomly having short conversations with Ronit, CK, Steve and Lauren

-- Finally talking to Chris W, and being frustrated by ShoutCast streams and the like

-- Eating pot roast

-- Giggling too gosh-darn much

-- Fantisizing

-- Watching Lannie run around the house about fifty times, circle after circle, and laughing

-- Being amused by tales of Eric's cousins, to the point that my eyes were watering with laughter

Yeah, that was my day. And now I have to go to bed, because I have school. Bleh. But not, because I am in Homecoming Heaven!

Ooooh, and I E-Mailed Mr. A asking for pics from Homecoming, and he said I looked "stunning." How sweet is that? Aww!

Tootle pip!!!!!!