caitlin H (caitlin45) wrote,
caitlin H

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Time: 11:20 PM

Current Mood: Happy!

Current Music: Me Typing

In My Room

Hi, guys!

Sorry I kind of disappeared from the face of the Earth with no warning. I'm shocked that anyone really noticed--I mean, it's just my LJ--but I'm getting all these panicked e-mails asking if I'm, like, dead or depressed or something, which I'm definitely not. I am very much alive and happy. I've just been so busy, and quite frankly, I don't have as much to say in here as I used to. I still write a lot, but I don't want to post everything online for the world to see the way I once did. It's not that all of it is so very private, it's just that the majority of my compositions only makes sense to me, or have significance and meaning in my eyes. And it's also that that I write for myself in a way that I never really did before, and I don't particularly want to share some of what I produce, if that even makes any sense. Plus, there's not as much I feel up to prattling about. Dialogs from school are always amusing, but I don't often have the time or energy required to recount them, nor do I think half the people who read this thing really have an interest in reading them. Yes, I do know that I have become strange over the past year. Someone told me this weekend that I have become "cynical," which I found amusing. I don't really perceive myself as being notably sarcastic, or pessimistic, or whatever. I do suspect that my outlook on life has changed drastically, however. But anyway, enough of these quixotic ramblings. What's been happening with me? Basically, school and choir. I have been eating, sleeping, singing, and breathing Honor Choir for the past two weeks or so, and I've been loving it. I adored all the music, and all the work I put towards learning it. I could never have made it without, among others, Eric and Marielle, the former for playing parts for me, recording them and sitting with me and listening to my endless questions about "I don't geeet it" and "How does that work?", and the latter for being the best sight-reader ever, and totally helping me during preliminary rehearsals. Intermittent with all the Honor Choir practice, Chem, Huckleberry Finn and random US History assignments have graced my life, as well as washing disgusting things from Bio labs and cutting leaves of ivy with a pair of hedge clippers and frightening one of our school custodians, because, oh my gosh, the blind girl has something sharp in her hand, even though the safety catch was obviously engaged. Also worth mentioning, I suppose, was that I spoke at a Blind Babies function; I do hope it went over all right. The speech itself, I felt, was somewhat lacking in quality, but I was speaking to a bunch of wallet-happy people who had just eaten and drunk a good deal, so that's probably why they all stood up, in actuality. Be that as it may, it was a pleasant endeavor that I won't soon forget.

This weekend consisted of the actual Honor Choir preparation and performance on the Stanford campus. I must say that I wholeheartedly enjoyed myself. In addition being with Derek and Eric all weekend, I got to know a lot of the Choir kids better, and I think they saw the more outgoing, devilish side of me in a way that they never could in class. From force-feeding me oranges, to calling me in my hotel room to ask for a C Sharp, to riding in car pools, to everything and more, you name it, everything was just perfect. Our conductor was amazing, it music was freaking majestic, and the power behind so many voices united in creating music was seriously one of the most hear%t-stopping, moving experiences in which I have ever participated. I grew socially and emotionally this weekend more than I ever could have imagined, and I had fun doing it. í felt like I belonged, and was accepted and cared for, and that was refreshing and exhilarating.

Well, that's Enough from me, I guess. I don't know when you'll hear from me next. I don't plan on going off on these random ten-day silences as a rule, but I think my daily updates are over, or at least on hiatus. I'll not be so aloof in future, I promise. I hope y'ra all well. And I really will reply to comments someday, I have, like, a hundred of them. I'm awful, yes, I know this.

Oh, by the way, Happy Thanksgiving Break!
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